


The Tadfield Expatriate Club Of Allegheny County.

by Lanna Michaels (lannamichaels)



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Future Fic, Pittsburgh, Switch Reveal, University, Weird Apocalypse Brothers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-30
Updated: 2019-06-30
Packaged: 2020-05-31 10:45:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19424383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lannamichaels/pseuds/Lanna%20Michaels
Summary: It's the year 2000 and the Antichrist walks in Pittsburgh. Sometimes he takes the bus.





	The Tadfield Expatriate Club Of Allegheny County.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [melannen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/melannen/gifts).



> For melannen. I vouch for everything except for what undergrad majors were available twenty years ago, since I couldn't find that. (When in doubt, blame Adam Young.)

1.

Gavin Roland Johnson was no longer greasy, but some nicknames were hard to outrun. 

Greasy Johnson landed in Pittsburgh International Airport one day in 1996. He played four years on the Pittsburgh Panthers, doing nothing of note, but neither did the team, so it was all right.

He still wasn't sure how he had been recruited to the team, but some friends were for life, even when you only really became friends the day you all turned twenty-one.

2.

Warlock Dowling found himself at CMU through a slightly more logical path. His parents had gone to Yale and Harvard. His uncle had gone to Dartmouth. Two of his aunts had hated Columbia. And after an unpleasant experience in a Connecticut yacht club in 1993, his grandfather refused to visit anywhere in the Northeast ever again.

His mother had sat Warlock down in front of US News and told him to pick a place that wouldn't start a family feud. It had been down to CMU or Stanford, and Warlock figured he'd get more people taking his name the wrong way in California than in Pennsylvania.

It was hard being an American named Warlock. He told everyone that a nun had suggested the name. No one believed him.

He's always been good at numbers, but he finds his way into the robotics program instead of doing a math degree. Robots are _much_ cooler. Plus, everyone thinks he goes by Warlock to avoid being the fifth guy named Mike, so half the time, people are congratulating him on picking a good name. It's the first time in his life that 'Warlock' has ever seemed like a good choice.

3.

Adam Young didn't use his diabolical powers that much these days. 

Well, mostly he didn't.

He made sure it wasn't raining when his sister got married. And Pepper, Brian, and Wensley could always ask him for anything. And he made sure that Dog could come to America with him. And he'd stopped three more highways from cutting through Tadfield.

But other than that, he didn't use his powers that much.

He'd picked Duquesne University by spinning a globe, ignoring the way the globe expanded beneath his finger to select which university it wanted. He spent two years studying theology, but then switched to pre-law. Arguing with supernatural forces had always gotten him further than trying to understand them ever had.

4.

They meet for the second time in Pegasus, the only gay bar any of them could find. They all make their way from the underage section to the drinking section on the same day. They'd been in nodding territory with each other before; Adam and Greasy had made a fragile peace when they were 14 and tolerated each other after that, and they'd found Warlock by following a London accent through smoky corners. They knew of each other, but not too well.

The day they all turned twenty-one, they bought drinks in a round robin, found out they were all born in the same hospital on the same night, and were fast friends. Adam put their numbers into his mobile phone, causing Greasy to find he suddenly had a phone. This all seemed perfectly normal under the influence of alcohol and kept on seeming normal even after he had sobered up. (Adam had started tallying up his diabolical influences when he started at Duquesne, but gave it up after four days. The world wanted to do what he wanted it to do, it's not like he could stop it.) Warlock wasn't sure why Adam's name was so long, but since Adam hadn't made fun of Warlock's name, Warlock wasn't going to wonder why Adam had a long string of letters after his name.

They meet up for the third time in Schenley Park between Pitt and CMU. Adam packs a picnic lunch, because he knows he'd spent more time in the woods than Greasy ever had, and who knew what kind of things Warlock had gotten up to in London. Warlock's family was rich, he'd probably never had a proper picnic in his life. Adam felt vaguely sorry for him. Adam's still good at making up games, so by the time they've finished eating the contents of Adam's backpack, Greasy's stumbled over three tree roots and Warlock's found enough bottle caps to fill his pockets. Adam considers it a success. They'll never be the Them, but no one could ever be the Them. Even the Them aren't the Them these days; they're the Them International, which is much better.

Afterwards, the three of them walk towards Fifth so Adam can catch his bus. The new statue by the library turns its long neck to look at them. "Have A Dippy Day," says the dinosaur. Adam waves back at it. Greasy and Warlock exchange looks but Adam has a way of making everything seem normal. Adding a voice box and animatronics doesn't even rank amongst the most bizarre Adam Stories that had gone around Tadfield. Greasy'd heard about the time the Them had re-created ET with their bikes.

On the fourth meeting, Adam breezily mentions that he used to be the Antichrist when he was a kid and Warlock starts laughing and laughing and laughing. "I think he's serious," Greasy interjects, putting his hand on Warlock's shoulder.

"I know," Warlock says and proceeds to tell them about his childhood. "So," he finishes, " _someone_ involved got confused at the hospital."

Adam digests that. Then Greasy says. "If the forces of Hell were around... do you think they could find my birth parents?" It's been seven years since Greasy's parents sat him down and told him where babies come from (the answer in his case being: a discreet adoption agency), and while Greasy doesn't always think about it, sometimes he wonders if somewhere else, there's a father who is also a little too big for everything, maybe a mother who also sometimes trips on things. Maybe he has a sister or a brother who don't always know what to do with their bodies. He loves the family he has, but sometimes he wonders. Only sometimes.

But if Adam could use the powers of Hell to find his birth parents, Greasy would like that.

5.

"Um," Adam says, hanging up the phone. He turns to look at Greasy and shoves his hands uncharacteristically into his pockets. "This is gonna seem weird."

"That you can call Hell on the phone? That's _very_ weird," Warlock says helpfully.

"No. No, that's pretty normal." Adam looks back and forth between Warlock and Greasy. "And that wasn't Hell, that was just a demon. He's the one who delivered me. He told me the nuns had something of a mix-up that night. See, they'd brought an extra baby and they were gonna give it to some parents, but that meant one baby had to be moved around, right? Except they moved around two babies instead of one. It was like Musical Chairs, you know? But with bassinets."

Warlock has no idea where he is going with this. Greasy, as someone who had spent some time wondering how his birth mother had given him up, starts feeling like his entire body is shaking.

"Am I your parents's son, then?" Greasy asks Adam.

"Um, no," Adam says. "Warlock is. Sorry."

Warlock says a word that is not allowed on television.

"Then who are--," starts Greasy and then repeats Warlock's expletive.

Adam magics up some pizza delivery for them and for once Greasy can't even bring himself to mind Adam's superpowers, not when they're giving him comfort food after he finds out that _his parents are Americans_.

6.

It's difficult not to be best friends with people after finding out that all three of you were the victims of an apocalyptic baby swapping scheme that all went terribly wrong.

7.

Warlock's the only one with a car, so he picks Greasy up from his internship at the Aquarium twice a week. Warlock's parents had visited once Before, but Greasy hadn't noticed any resemblances. He also hadn't been looking for them.

Warlock tells him family stories, but most of his family stories are about other people, not about his parents. Warlock can tell him how his parents met, but that's about it for parental stories. He doesn't have any of the kind of stories that Greasy has about growing up. Warlock's childhood stories revolve around a nanny and a gardener and some tutors and the other embassy kids. Not his parents.

Greasy had wondered how it might feel to know about his birth parents. He hadn't expected that his sort-of-somewhat-brother would be more interested in _his_ family stories than Greasy would be in return. Warlock's curious about a Tadfield childhood, and Adam's childhood stories can't be trusted. They're too fantastical. It's either Adam's overactive imagination or just demons; Warlock can't tell and is tired of asking. Adam thinks family stories are boring. He doesn't see why his friends want to talk about their childhoods all the time.

"Boring," he always declares and goes to walk Dog. Adam is doing his best to get chased out of as many places in Pittsburgh as he had in Tadfield. Greasy has his scholarship to think of and Warlock has his allowance. Adam always gets into little trouble; anything big slides off him like he wasn't even there.

Like that time they all went to Pride last year. The less said about that time, the better.

8.

Warlock wants to meet the Youngs. Greasy's met Warlock's parents, enough to know that telling them anything isn't something he wants to do. He's happy with the family he has. But Warlock's curious. 

Adam tells them he has the best idea. He calls home and tells his family that he's got a boyfriend who is rich and American and coming home with him for the summer. Adam tells Warlock cheerfully that their father spent two years thinking Adam was going to be become a Catholic priest. After setting that kind of groundwork, Adam could get away with anything.

Greasy just tells his parents that a friend from university might be staying over for a few nights. He hasn't told them yet that he's become friends with Adam Young. He knows they're going to take that worse than they did the whole gay thing. His parents spent a lot longer thinking him hating Adam Young than they spent assuming he was straight.

9.

Operation: Fake Boyfriend goes terribly. Warlock accidentally insults the Youngs, who don't know what to do about Adam's boyfriend. He keeps asking about Adam's childhood, so Adam's mother brings out the photo albums. But every time Warlock tries to poke harder at a story, the details squirm away. There's a lot more diabolical stories than Warlock had thought, a lot more cases of Adam's powers subconsciously smoothing things over, turning the world back the way a five-year-old would want it to be. Tadfield still had perfect weather, even with Adam in America most of the year.

Warlock gets a little further with stories about his older sister's childhood before Adam showed up. And he gets dragged around to a few elderly aunts in nearby cities, enough to satisfy any urge in that direction for family connection.

Warlock's not sure if he would have liked growing up here. Adam loved it. Greasy had more mixed feelings, but he still planned on moving back when he was ready to settle down. But Warlock doesn't know if he would have fit in as well as Adam had. Warlock doesn't know if this would be a place he'd ever want to go back to, if he'd had to grow up here.

"Tadfield's just like this because Adam wants it to be," Greasy says to him on one of the days when Warlock's fled the Youngs for the refuge of the Johnsons. "Adam explained it all to me. If you grew up here instead of him, maybe we'd have gotten into fights as kids just like I did with him, but that's the only thing that would have been the same. Maybe you'd like that other Tadfield more." There's posters on Greasy's walls full of American football players and fish. In a forgotten corner lies a dusty pile of magazines. Warlock doesn't have a room like this. They'd moved around too much and the house in Virginia is just Warlock's permanent address, not his home.

"I think I'd have left for university and never come back," Warlock says.

"Kids don't do that here," Greasy says. Warlock looks at him. "Like I said," Greasy sighs. "Adam."

Warlock dramatically breaks up with Adam after two weeks in Tadfield and goes to visit his friends in London.

10.

Adam, to the shock of everyone, is the first one to graduate. Greasy follows him. Warlock slides so quickly into grad school that no one can tell where undergrad finished and grad school began.

They move into an apartment in Shadyside. Greasy works full time at the Aquarium. Warlock builds robots. And Adam goes to law school, but that's a whole different story.

**Author's Note:**

> [this post on dreamwidth](https://lannamichaels.dreamwidth.org/1051424.html); [this post on tumblr](https://lannamichaels.tumblr.com/post/185962225710/the-tadfield-expatriate-club-of-allegheny-county)


End file.
